I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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