dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
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I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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