someone threw a dead crab at me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize