I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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