So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
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I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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