I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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