i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize