We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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