i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
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Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
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