Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
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He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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