I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
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I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
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Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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