you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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