I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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