So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize