You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize