I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you had me at cake vodka
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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