I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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