I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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