My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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