I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize