I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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