don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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