i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
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I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
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She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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