Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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