My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
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oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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