he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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