i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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