I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize