she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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