**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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