cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Damn victory sex feels great
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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