Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize