so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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