Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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