Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
