Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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