You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Hippo gnu deer
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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