My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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