so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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