So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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