in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
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it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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