Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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