i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
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I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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