you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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