Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize