she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
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So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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