listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bring money and cleavage
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize