Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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