You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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