My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
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False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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