i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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