I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize